Anecdotes from the Greeny Phatom cast and crew
"In 1992, I gained subscriptions to Cablevision and PrimeStar. So that meant, Nickelodeon! Just for my children! Then the rates went up. Fuck. And then my VCR had problems recording programs on Cablevision. Double fuck." - Robert Stainton. "I remember my horrible experiences as a mascot character performer. When I started off playing Clarice, my first side character aside from Beach Bear at Apple's Mega City, me and my fellow performers were sent out by Apple Entertainment to go to events to walk around and give hugs to kids and crap. We got to go to a WSNL (some religious station then known as WTAC) promotional event, the county fair, the state fair, a few block parties, and one time we went to a Autism Society of America support rally thing. Me, Jake, and the others parked in an abandoned lot nearby and got into our costumes. I suited up into Clarice and walked into the insanity. We handed out hi-fives to the parents and autistic people and covered up my tail with my other hand so no kids could yank at it. Jake, while in his Dook suit (he'd later get out of the Dook suit and suit up into Jeff Jones) handed out coupons for Apple's kitschy parks. I walked towards where the local ASOA members had set up tables with pamhphelts, tables, and autographed pictures of the shit-tons of people who founded the group. Some of the local members and some ASOA higher-ups, along with, you guessed it, Bernard fuckin' Rimland himself, saw me and then decided to take photos with me. Afterwards, one of the guys asked me if I wanted to get into the hot-air balloon. Shit. I had a fear of heights which I grew out of. I turned around, and, through the plastic eyelids of my head, saw a big ass ASOA-sponsored hot air balloon tethered to some trucks made by really obscure manufacturers. I tried to shake my head no, but thought my head shaking as Clarice looked ridiculous. Before I could waggle my shoulders to signal "No way in hell am I going up there!", my assistant/occasional Clarice performer Maria (who was a lesbian and died of AIDS in 2004) said "She wants to do it!" My scream of fear in me was muffled by my mask. Maria forgot I had a fucking fear of heights. Soon, I was hoisted into the basket, then the operator said, "Don't worry, we're just going to go up a little ways. We're staying tethered to the trucks." Then, he pulled the cord, light the burner, and off we went. I started screaming in fear loudly and saying "AAAAAAAAAAAUGH! I hate heights!" even though we were 5 stories in the air. The kids laughed as I threw a fucking tantrum, like "LOOK CLARICE IS IN DUH AIR DURDURDUR!!!" Then, we went 6 stories up... and then, I fell onto my back, and everything went quiet. I had just suffered an absence seizure. 30 seconds later, I woke up, my head was off, security had made a kid-free path so the kids would not freak out over a beheaded mascot costume worn by a transwoman, I was being checked on by doctors, Maria had gotten a shit-ton of Tegretol from the nearby Eckerd, and I was demanding to know what happened. I was okay. I got out of the suit and went into my car. I took the rest of the day off." - Kristian Michaels "People have said that the prototype NES version of the 1996 Greeny Phatom game's title music sounds like someone trying to strangle a Mister Softee truck. I like the company, and I never knew it would sound like one" - Robert Stainton "One day while filming AppleVision video as Dook, I slipped and Dook's left foot fell straight off (including the ankle protector), and I was basically saying "Fuck!" in my head" - Jake Sanford "When I first went to the Rock N Roll McDonald's and saw that car in the window, I thought "Wow! This is the first time I've seen a car in a McDonald's, other than the time Christine mistook the gas pedal of her dad's Beetle for the brakes", and was laughing my ass off!" - Robert Stainton Category:Other Category:Greeny Phatom